Throwback Thursday: It was 5 years ago when we were celebrating award season for The Shape Of Water, and I got to live my dream of being in an old musical dance number (dressed as an Amphibian Man, of course) with the amazing Sally Hawkins.
disclaimer: this is not a wolf anatomy tutorial. it’s a tutorial on how to recognize the features of one specific wolf silhouette so you can get pretentiously annoyed about it. don’t take my advice about things.
also, don’t harass artists over this shit if you happen to see it. I shouldn’t have to say that but the internet’s favorite pastime now is spontaneously deciding to make some random civilian’s life miserable for a minor misstep and it’s a fucked up thing to do. yes plagiarism is bad but frankly while the original clipart was obviously traced, that ship sailed over a decade ago and I don’t blame everyone for using this wolf silhouette because you have to go out of your way to avoid it at this point if you’re searching for free clipart. this is meant to be funny and lighthearted.
now, with that out of the way.
nobody asked for this but I need something to occupy my brain and the notes aren’t really slowing down on that post (this is what I’m referencing btw) and I’ve seen a few people questioning my claims that it’s all the same wolf silhouette and that the original is a still from the anime Wolf’s Rain. I also really enjoy when people find this bastard in weird places and want to make it easier. so I’m doing that. in a style flagrantly stolen from mcmansionhell, which I think is fitting given the subject matter of shameless plagiarism. to start, here’s one of the cleanest/most exemplary instances I could find, broken down. There’s some variation in rotation, nose shape, and scruff distribution, but it all basically averages out to this:
further analysis, examples, and deranged ranting under the cut!
I call it Lumpy Kiba and I’ve seen it used for car decals, stickers, clipart, traced with varying degrees of obviousness by artists of all skill/experience levels, I’m pretty sure I saw it in some small local company’s logo once.
here’s the original still from Wolf’s Rain (which is not a lot less weird-looking, but it looks fine in a stylized anime where it’s supposed to be), which I saw early in high school and ever since have had to live with apparently being the only one who knows that all these people just fucking traced an anime wolf.
it’s like the goddamn wilhelm scream of lazy art, once you see it you will never unsee it again, and it’s everywhere. and you can always tell because it’s frankly a pretty mediocre trace of an already wonky-looking wolf, so like. you can tell.
here it is on two different bumper stickers (two of MANY, just google ‘howling wolf bumper sticker’ and at least 70% of the fullbody ones will be Lumpy Kiba):
jewelry:
clipart collections that REALLY show off the Lumpiness compared to silhouettes referenced from actual wolf photos:
random art, including my personal favorite, a watercolor where the artist could just as easily have looked up an actual photo of a wolf but chose Lumpy Kiba instead:
a tattoo:
and THIS mcfuckery where he went through the whole process of sketching and refining to make it look like he was drawing a wolf from scratch (the gods know what you’ve done, jon harris):
anyway Lumpy Kiba is the bane of my existence but if I point it out I sound insane so I’m glad I had this opportunity to curse you all with the burden of this knowledge.
I was looking at sex toys on aliexpress (like you do) and it suggested I get a 45cm (17″) Black Tourmaline Hexagonal Obelisk. I don’t think that’s a good idea
FINALLY, WE CAN TENTACLIZE THE CLOUDS THEMSELVES!
and now I found the “realistic torture/execution devices for dolls” section.
aliexpress is seriously the best place to look at sex toys because they can’t show nudity so they have to finding other ways to show off the use of the toys.
This results in a LOT of abused food, which is always hilarious.
that’s not what I was searching for and frankly at this point I can’t really remember what I was searching for
oh baby, slide into my chrysanthemum for some novel gameplay!
one of my favorite things is when they decide to give you the whole hard sell.
instead of just being like “hey this is a good sex toy”, they instead try to explain why you’d even need a sex toy, from first principles. and that principle is usually “your boyfriend/husband sucks”. or doesn’t, I guess.
they always end up looking like a r/wheredidthesodago commercial for lesbianism
so the sound of this sex toy is between a flower and a clock!
wait, a flower? do… do flowers make sounds?
I’ve posted about the Hammer Sex Toy before, but it turns out it’s not alone. There’s also…
THE WRENCH!
now that is a fucking slogan
one of my favorite things is that when they’re showing off that sex toys have a bluetooth+internet thing so people can control them remotely, they always show a world map and two points labeled with city names and they’re ABSOLUTELY NOWHERE NEAR THE ACTUAL CITIES.
sex toy or vulcan starship?
OH MEHR SPIELMÖGLICHKEITEN!
this will give you the biggest orgasm of your life, but your mother will die. Oh well, there’s other parents.
In the quiet night all you can hear is your rapid breathing
found another tool! it’s scissors this time.
I’m not sure anyone of any gender really wants scissors near their genitals, so this may not be the best design
sometimes all I can say is “what”
is this vaporwave?
I don’t think that’s how that works
your strawberries will never be safe
finally, the first robot that can eat a flan!
another fun trope in aliexpress sex toys: just listing off all the rooms of your house you could use it in!
(Unlike all those terrible dildos that don’t work in the living room or kitchen)
finally the first sex toy designed specifically for wizards!
the worst thing is that the aliexpress algorithm doesn’t understand the difference between looking at things made of silicone and wanting to buy raw silicone
and then it suggests things you could make with all that silicone, like A BUNCH OF HANDS?
see I clicked that one because it was weird, and now it’s suggesting a bunch of other weird stuff. this is the joy and the problem with aliexpress: I click on something because it’s weird, and it just makes it show me more weird stuff.
have you ever wanted silicone elbow-length gloves to make your hands look like feet? sure, we all do!
Have you ever wanted to learn acupuncture with a LIFE SIZE SILICONE DUMMY? WHY NOT?
another unrealistic body image for women
ooh you can buy individual fingers!
finally, a pile of fingers!
this last one isn’t actually aliexpress, but I had to google a pile of fingers. had to.
ok that’s enough aliexpress for one day.
also this is WAY spammier on tumblr, because of how it gets longer and longer if you follow me. Sorry about that.
Oh for sure if I had the funds I’m ordering all of these things and gluing them together for the most comprehensive full sized body horror vibrator sex doll experience. I’m pouring a barrel of lube into the bathtub, switching every single one of those toys on, and letting them slip and slide all over me like the sexed typewriters from Naked Lunch.
i need to point out, because i haven’t seen anyone comment on it, that the foot clamp text is based on text from Silent Hill 2:
which is. uh. definitely a unique way of selling a very unique item i guess??
i think we as a society need to start accepting that fictional love stories need to be a bit toxic for us to go insane over them… like, sometimes you kinda need the two parties to be obsessed with each other and fucked up and willing to bring each other back from the dead instead of moving on and go to therapy i’m sorry😔
the fact that chickens, who produce eggs for families and are fairly low-cost pets after initial expenses, are not allowed in many areas due to noise but dogs, who are considerably noisier and considerably more a risk to people are, is kind of ridiculous
The banning of chickens in cities has definitely helped contribute to the creation of food deserts in said cities.
HOAs disallowing people to grow their own food is another example.
I recently read an article that argued against allowing chicken ownership in cities due to the fact that urban chicken owners might be more “ignorant of husbandry needs of chickens” and anyone could decide “on a whim” to purchase chickens 🙄
This is an absurd argument considering the VAST collection of extremely high-maintenance and fragile species that are freely available as pets without any concern for their husbandry requirements. It is incredibly easy to purchase a sugar glider or a chameleon on a whim, and both of these animals are far more difficult to keep happy than the sturdy chickens that humans literally domesticated thousands of years ago. Chickens are useful and personable animals that make great pets, and if you’re worried people won’t know how to care for them the solution is to improve education rather than thoughtlessly banning an animal that is actually a great option as a pet for low-income families. I would much prefer to see people choosing chickens as a pet over the dozens of high-maintenance and non-domesticated animals available at the corner pet shop.
there’s nothing barring you from bringing an endangered parrot into your home or even apartment that yells at <100db all day every day
However we had to convince my town that our 6 hens weren’t going to ruin our well (???) lmao. don’t worry you can dump pesticides on the same lawn and they won’t care.
I feel like its taken a pandemic to make some people (re lawmakers) realize being able to grow your own food is absolutely necessary and that its absurd its illegal to do basic things like Have A Garden vs a lawn. or have backyard hens
anyway if you live in texas tell your representatives to vote yes for Texas House Bill 1686, which would make it legal for those on single family lots to grow fruits and veggies, and have 6 or less domestic fowl and/or 6 rabbits and/or 3 beehives EVEN IF they live under an HOA or municipality that doesn’t allow it
read the above again. you currently aren’t allowed to grow veggies. at your own home
One of the things I learned about in perinatal nutrition related to food scarcity caused by social and legal barriers for childbearing families, who more than even need a nutritious, safe diet.
A man and a woman platonically raising a child together and not falling in love has to be the biggest plotwist in the Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves movie AND my favorite part
(@leupagus tags) And they’re both sexy people! And are shown to be sexually attracted to the opposite sex! Just not each other. They have a whole child together and live in the same home, and the movie makes it very clear that Edgin values her opinion above all others, and you never see that in media without the assumption of sex/romance.
